sausages (feet)

soooooo yeah....

today i wanted to rant about predictability, specifically in a relationship. what i mean to ask is, is there ever a good time to be thoroughly predictable or is uncertainty just that little bit more fun?

what sparked this was a comment made, saying "i knew you were going to say that". this to me is very bad, partly because i thought my previous line was just a brush away comment and was nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, more just generic... and partly because i HOPE im less predictable than i apparently am...
the conversation was just background really- nothing exciting.

what makes me loath the idea of me being predictable is that if everyone thinks im predictable, i either earn myself a reputation for hurting people, being a dick, or being a good guy.... the last one i dislike because if i am subsequently a dick, i hurt people anyways.
people think 'hes changed' if you appear predictable to them, then act differently under different environmental situations that are unfamiliar to them. i dont want to hurt people or make them feel upset with my conduct at any time, but i am who i am...

and on the flip side, if people think im predictable and that they know me, aspects of my personality which usually hide away, surprise them: ALOT. many times i have had to apologise to people for being incredibly angry or whatever when they didnt expect it.

also, i dont like predictability because i dont like the idea of free will being lost
HOWEVER, i can fully appreciate the moral foundation of having a predictable relationship built on the right principles. i just despise the idea that even basic conversation need not take place almost.

so to uncertainty. i love uncertainty in a certain environment: healthy relationship with spontaneity. conversation should never run dry between people who love and care about each other, in my eyes, and if nothing needs to be said, dont say anything- dont just try and fill the gaps with crap 'just because you want to hear their voice' (romantic bollocks). if you dont have anything to say, just enjoy the silence. it brings you closer than words a lot of the time.

AND HERE IS THE PUNCHLINE
to me, the phrase, 'I love you', is far too overused between teenagers who don't truly understand what love is, and i think it spoils the connotations behind it. not only this, i think if you analyse the conversations where it is brought up a significant amount of times, it's found to be in predictable slumps of conversation. i firmly believe that that phrase should be left to unpredictability regardless of scenario. if you dont want to, dont say it. if you get told it, dont force yourself to say it back! i fall and have fallen into this trap far too many times, and i regret it in all honesty. i think relationships where this kind of predictability are found are pretty much doomed, which is why i also regret not getting together with people i think are essentially perfect.

fucking uni eh.

(how did this rant go from predictability to some deep personal regrets :s )
well if anyone gets to this point without skipping, let me know and i'll owe you a cookie (Y)

cheers m'dears