life's a beach.....

today, i thought, 'what the hell, i fancy a sex change'....so i went to the sea side :D

cold, wet, tired, risking hypothermia......but we're british, so we marched on, with a smile on our face and fire in our hearts..... till people started getting REALLY cold.....then we thought a tactical retreat was in order...

unfortunatly, the sanctity of sanity was fully booked, so we had to make do with a wet stretch of concrete....with guitars, food, and a football we stumbled upon....probably had AIDS on it, but we had a laugh!.... :P
was fun though...great time with great people. me and gwyn and jullian are official lovers by the way.

i wanted to talk about bed, today. the best invention since the condom. a place where anything can happen, from a first kiss, to building a little fort....watching tv, to watchin tv over the shoulder of the person you're having sex with...

bed is the only place you can feel warm and cozy and safe....untill it gets too hot and you realise its on fire...
you can curl up in it in the mornings and regress to a time when things were a damn sight simpler.....like aged 6 :P
dream in complete silence....or holding the person you love...its all gurd :D
just dont do a....yes thats right...-insert fanfair-.. a 'michael jackson'





and now for something different (here ends the funny):

tonight, im not going to leave you with a 'thought for the day'. instead im going to leave you with its brother: 'question for the day'

unfortunatly, i do feel this is cliched in all aspects....but i had to ask: has anyone had the 'perfect moment'? the space of time that you want to stop and re-live, but never change a thing....the one time in your existance that you fully appreciate everything, and see things as they are: how they are supposed to be perceived....and yet you are content with the world around you...not needing to question the wonder and unfathomable beauty of the landscape, the emelents, the company, and (at the heart of it) life.

if i told you that i had, i'd be a liar. to be enitrly honest....and to shatter the thoughts of others with my unquestionably high standards in this aspect....i dont think, annalysing everything, that i've even been in love at all.....let alone experienced perpetual bliss.
(a depressing concept that has made me feel hollow....but a true understanding of my mind and soul.)

to be allowed to enter my life, you have to be special. i have a thing about people who upset others.... if you do one thing to annoy me, then i do keep it locked inside.... if you persist in your annoyance, i let you know...... i have a very good memory and i am very good at lying to someones face. (something i am both proud and disgusted at myself about)

you call me hun, sexy, babe, darlin.....i judge you..... and more often than not, i have to resist the urge to walk away. i act. thats the only reason i am friends with several people. (you really dont know how much some people make me sad....actually sad. why cant we just get along in a way that makes me feel less like walking away from your tone, or the stuff that you say, or the general things that you do....?)

by the way, if i want to be your friend, i'll let you know....and i'll do this in a way that is visible to all... i'll comunicate in a normal way....... however there is a difference in me between friendship and avoiding social awkwardness......eg: i'd give my worst enemy the time, but i wouldnt hang out with him....

welcome to the land of mental perversion, where everthing is distorted in such a way as to make me lie to myself, that everything is ok....ive been doing it for years.... it's so easy to say 'i love you' or 'you really are amazing'....or anything....they're just words! and even the dumbest fool can make a lie seem real, even to himself: to train himself to believe it is fact, like 'i love you'.... only upon annalysing can he truly see what he has done to himself and others.

probably way too much said for one night: good luck digesting....if you so wish...



now....the prosecution has the floor: ........

Lewis Pearce: based on the original character by Charles Dickins

(and a stunned silence falls over the perplexed crowd!)- i aim to please :P

bonjour, and thank you for joining me on my voyage of discovery into the abyss....you'd better start writing your will now because with me at the helm, christ knows when we're getting back..

2 days hath passed since our last debarcal....2 days of nonchalance and disbelief at england winning the cricket.... 2 days of alright weather....2 days of knowing that somethings gonna give....and now we look at it and realise.....the thing that gave was....school.

(more importantly, lessons, and the sheer cheek the bloody teachers have of picking up a frigging text book, trying to pass on their knowlage to us, as if they were respectable adults....pfft! i shudder to think they get paid to stand there and reel off facts from books, they themselves know jack shit about! such a waste of good time.....)

soooo....it seems we find ourselves in the unfortunate possition again my comorades....you dont want to read this, i dont particularly want to write it..... if anyone says they DO want to read several hundred words, i have one word for you:

LIAR

but anyways........ i keep wanting to write something about a topic to spark some angst and aggression, along with a healthy dose of controversy.....but i fear this is too early to write about politics and religion......

all i will say on these topics so far is;

religion: anyone who doesnt take messages in religious texts, at face value, is a fool who i have no desire to share my oxygen with...please leave

politics: the shit has hit the fan people!

but the blog for today will consist of a question: should i continue to write these types of blogs, promoting humor at the expense of the masses....or should i write stuff from the heart, (depressing at times, humerous at others) mainly portraying myself in a light few of you have ever seen?

its tough for me because i never get into a situation that warents me opening up....and as research has shown.....over 26 percent of people older than a million, are dead......and that using a computer to write your feelings allows you to psycologically connect to your emotions in a way that face-to-face interaction cannot allow.

so....if people could get back to me....much appreciated

and the inevitable....thought for the day!

in 3-d

after much contemplation, i feel the name of 'britains got tallent' should be changed to the more suitable....'britain might have tallent somewhere but we cant find it so we'll exploit what we've got'....(thoughts?)

the one touching story i grasped from this whole manifestation of crap, was Susan Boyle....surely she is the benchmark......c'mon stig-of-the-dump.... aspire to be her!

all i can think of when i see her (cruel ino) is the conversation her parents had with the doctor after she was born.....

''congratulations mr and mrs boyle, its a beautifull boy!!.....wait... my mistake....it looks like some kind of wookie..... ah yes....its a grinch..... all i can say is, my appologies, and my condolances: what a truly unfortunate looking baby you have......you have my pitty.''

but she can FOOKING SING!!!!! ugly as sin with the voice of an angel.....god did fuck up, didnt he....

but after her stay in re-hab, we can but hope that this lady-of-the-night, disolves into our minds and back into the depths of obscurity from whence she came......

but here's a charming photo of her anyways :P

CRA peop's (and i mean everyone this time!)

first thing's first......adam love: true or false?

howdy, hello, for-shizzle-my-nizzle, and congratulations on navigating yourselves once again through cybernetic crap to find this! welcome....to the PEAK of all the cybernetic crap!

so....what do we talk about on this fine day? well i wanted to talk about innocence.....just randomly :D

as far as i can tell, innocence is a matter of perspective: doesnt matter what age you are. innocence is simply a lack of knowlage in whatever aspect of living.....in the workplace, school, local pub, police cell (it was my car, honest guv...)......not just the stereotypical bedroom.....

if someone starts talkin about 'golden showers', only a few of you would have the slightest clue what i ment..... this is innocence. same goes if we were younger and i started talking about babies and you were clueless to what sex was.... (coz c'mon, unless you were born with an obviously abnormal knowlage of maternal practice's, or a fucking good memory....u didnt know either)

this innocence can be a great thing, protecting us from many things like the media and propaganda at an age where we are influenced heavily by the things around us (god forbid a kid grows up with an accute understanding of 'daily mail' perspective...).........

but innocence can also be misinterperated as ignorance and stupidity: if you were in a situation where your house is on fire and you dont know what to do because you are innocent to the situation...you're gona burn like a bitch

all in all i think, and firmly believe we should expose kids to all kinds of shit at a really early age, just to mind fuck them when they are most likely to repress it so they can relive it when they're 40.....cruel, yes......but fun!!!!

and now.....THOUGHT FOR THE DAY!

and its a simple one:

is it me, or has saturday night TV, on the BBC, become the gayest thing since brokeback mountain.....the porno

exhibit A: 'tonight is the night'..... number 1) wtf .... and number 2)

and exhibit B: 'totally saturday'...... 1)totally fucking gay! :L ....and again 2)

now.....welcome to mindfuck

all i can say is thank god we only have 1 saturday a week.....

CRA :D

calon llan.....

hello world, and welcome to an exciting edition of my prestigious blog.....if you get a mention in this, or any other blog; congratulations! you win a prize.....self esteem XD (you have my permission to feel chuffed)

lets do a short and sweet blog today people....im tired and the world seems to be dragging its feet with guilt, depression, recession: commiseration across the nation (and any other shun words you can find in your pretty little heads)

today i wish to highlight a topic close to my heart, and one which is not sexist or elitist in any way.... yes....thats right.... male super sports :P
(sports in general)

nah, what i want to chat to you fellas and fel-lasses, is sport in all its glory. from the village team to the internatonal level, you can get involved in sport at any age...... mostly, these are done at an early age coz hip replacements cost a fuckin bomb for the NHS....

sport, like music, has the ability to form relationships, be them good or bad, and create fantastic team bonding, such as the '99' call* that wales made during the '80's....good times, good times

but i think the praise has to go to the ultimate winners in sport......america!
you see, these folks are amazing because they have won every single year, in the same sport....but lets not get nit picky, they have won the event EVERY YEAR...quite an achivement eh?

oh wait, my mistake, thats absolute bullshit.....they just call it the 'world series'! oh dear....america strikes again.....you know what, i think we should rise up...create a little school team, and challenge them for the title....then they can officially be known as 'world leaders' in baseball.....american football..... and pretty much all the crap sports


and no, coz im too lazy to write any more shit:


thought for the day! (dun da dun!)
brought to you by hovis
(another of my legendary lies...)

ok....pure and simple...... can you have a bread fetish....odd i know, but the point is, is it possible?
and if so, whats the strangest fettish ypu've ever heared of? let me and everyone else know!

as ever....Comment, Rate, Appreciate (CRA!)










*btw for those who care, the 99 call was created by wales in the 80's just in case any fights broke out on the pitch in south africa.....if it was ever called (it was only called once but it was awsome) then every player and fan was to get involved in the biggest fight they wud hav.....against the oppostie team.......it was an organised way of kicking the shit into the other side essentially XD

oh ai, and calon llan can be heard at all major welsh sporting events.....ie: rugby..... hence the title

our main headline tonight: trag...

....when he was found, investigators were baffled as to how he managed to fit that many hamsters up there....a medical mystery, no doubt...

so hello to all the chicks and dudes who so are kind enough to grace me with your presence....it almost turns me on to think your reading this XD

so how are you all? good?....yeah im alright ai, ta :)

isn't it funny, that no matter how many blogs you put up, people only want to read the ones with gratuitous violence and pictures of stupid Americans......naturally, to put these on would be degrading to a blogs integrity and reputation......so keep scrolling down people! :D


i had the urge today (yes it felt very good), to talk to you people about music. music is a wondrous invention, which can trace its origins back to eternity. it has the striking power for make people smile, make people cry, make people love, make people hate....it has such power, and can be manipulated so easily.....its enough to make you want to jizz (in your pants)

and this is what i wanted to talk to you specifically about...(no i dont want to speak of beethoven, bach...not even gilmore, clapton, vai..... not even oasis, killers, kaisers, FOB.....the list goes on and on...).....i want to talk to you about a stream of music people try to tap into to gain pubic support, get people laughing, and get people interested..... this branch is: Comedy RAP... aka: 'CRAP'

this new found way of getting through to the younger generations, was thought about when rap was first on the 'scene', in world war 1......since then, it has developed from the hyme 'slap my bitch up' (first sung in the trenches...a classic im sure you'll agree), to the modern day tosh such as 'ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny'...

(dont have a go at me, i used to like it before one physics lesson.....thanks to someone playing it, it became tedious and tiresome....this person shall remain nameless for legal reasons...)

so thanks to mair destroying my love of 'CRAP' .....i have decided to have a slight snipe at it.....

the point im really trying to make is that comedy raps are all well and good....when done by funny people!.....not the US govenment (i must fancy them or something, coz im on about them all the time!). these cheesy bastards made a rap about cenitor john mackain....('s chips)

anyhoo, these 'musical friggin genious's' decided that a rap would really help him convey his points to the younger american nation.... if i could find the vidio i would put it up, but the only version on youtube got taken down due to legal debate....no shit....coz it really was shit



a word to the bastards set about destroying a once great genre: FUCK OFF AND LEAVE IT TO PEOPLE WITH COMIC TALENT!










now finally, time for 'thought of the day'!

todays thought is brought to you by those almost happy-chappies on the wrong side of the border.....thats right..... the english have made themselves credible respectable citicens once again (almost as credible as my spelling....or how incredibly bad it is!)

two english football fans in Cologne lost their car after mistakenly thinking they had parked it on a road called 'One Way Street'. the pair wrote down 'Einbahn Strasse' - which means one-way street in german- so they didn't forget where they'd left the hire car. but when they came to find it again they found that every second street in the inner city was called 'Einbahn Strasse'.
it was only when they found a policeman that they were told the sign was to inform drivers that they were on a one-way street. they did eventually find they're care.....after the german police got involved, and several hours of looking.....

my question is; is this the problem with the english? (not the loosing things....like the will to live)
are the english so stuck up (i neglect to include the welsh, scots and irish, because we have been forced through the generations to learn fucking english instead of our original languages) that they fail to realise if you dont learn other peoples lanugages, you end up in the shizen... you cant just shout and point.....spreken zie deutsch? no of course you dont you FAGS! you're to lazy to learn 'gracias', so you just point and abuse! then you hope a euro tip is enough to excuse you from this miscariage of horse shit!

thats my rant....what do you think?
comment, rate, appreciate :P