ironically, this isnt.... its about relationships
i think i've got to a stage where i want one again. it's been over a year now and although i've been close to it a few times, never really felt willing in myself to engage in one wholeheartedly. this has changed recently and im now thinking, 'hey, i could do this again'. i like this feeling. it's nice :) cosy and content within myself and up for coinciding with someone :)
now all i have to do is work out how to go back and amend certain relationships... i did tell someone about 7 months ago i wanted a relationship and i truly meant it, however i wasnt ready in myself.... if that opportunity ever came round again, i would grab it with both hands and never let her go.
but all's fair in love and war so onto the great unknown we march once more dear friends. we fight for honour, freedom and tea. we show mercy but ask for none, and we see the task through to the end.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
giving up: part 1- preamble
today i give up cigarettes. noone actually cares, but this is one way of motivating myself to do it (pretending people actually do). i may be vloging and keeping a daily diary of whats going on etc. i have no plan B. this is a full purge on death sticks. 40 days, starting on February 26 2012.
lets do this eh
lets do this eh
Saturday, 25 February 2012
40 days to break a habit
I've set myself a massive challenge. 40 days without something i need to see if i can survive without it. in fact, i'm going to do this with 2 things (although one has a head start on the other). also this is nothing to do with lent.... just something i thought about which kind of coincides with lent... but im already late for it, so screw it.
i'm giving up smoking as of when i finish my current pack of cigarettes. i have 4 left. this shall be it for 40 days. i estimate that these shall be gone on sunday, and therefore i shall start being irate and horrible on monday...or more so than usual.
also, ive already started giving up a major aspect of my life, and have been free of this since the 13th of this month. no points for guessing what. i have 28 days to go. if the theory is correct and it takes 40 days to give up a habit, then god willing it shall be gone forevermore. however, if it is bogus, then it will just prove that the hardest things to give up are usually the worst for you. meh, we shall see.
in other news, more Tibetans have died as a result of self emulation after protesting the chinese dictatorship of that region, the economy is still fucked, and i cant wait to start looking for houses for next year :D
this was your LW2T update, and i shall see you soon
ciao bella's XD
i'm giving up smoking as of when i finish my current pack of cigarettes. i have 4 left. this shall be it for 40 days. i estimate that these shall be gone on sunday, and therefore i shall start being irate and horrible on monday...or more so than usual.
also, ive already started giving up a major aspect of my life, and have been free of this since the 13th of this month. no points for guessing what. i have 28 days to go. if the theory is correct and it takes 40 days to give up a habit, then god willing it shall be gone forevermore. however, if it is bogus, then it will just prove that the hardest things to give up are usually the worst for you. meh, we shall see.
in other news, more Tibetans have died as a result of self emulation after protesting the chinese dictatorship of that region, the economy is still fucked, and i cant wait to start looking for houses for next year :D
this was your LW2T update, and i shall see you soon
ciao bella's XD
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
more pathetic drivle
i come on here to moan, be that in the context of a relationship, work, uni or life in general. today, life and relationships...
my car got written off on friday.... not my fault either. someone crashed into me. it sucks. no car and a head injury go really well.... least i can drink, and the uni bar is cheap :)
i miss being in a relationship. last year i was so close to doing the right thing (in my mind), but i had to go fuck it up -.- typical me. balls up the good things.
it hasnt been the best few weeks, i'll give it that...and productivity is at a low... but i foresee the dawn of a new chapter: a chapter in which i will stop fucking up, and stop allowing things to fuck me up. im going to man up and deal with any and all shit that comes my way, take chances on people and things and see where it goes. surely it's too early in my life to lament and regret isnt it? well, the early symptoms of such things show now and then and i glance at the person i've yet to become. basically, i dont like where its going because im too pussy to do anything about anything. a good thing comes my way and i blow it by stupid actions....LDR's, uni, work... etc...
i need to stop ruining shit, cut things out of my life, cut people i dont want (and the people i want) out, and try and move on -inset pathetic sad face here-
but for now, i'll be content to wallow in self pity, write vague (unless you're apart of it, in which case it is blatantly obvious) details on here, and drink myself into a deep unshakable coma.
GOD, i need to get drunk -.-
hey, and if they come back into my life at a later date, i will be more than happy to admit i was a dick and try again, if they want.
my car got written off on friday.... not my fault either. someone crashed into me. it sucks. no car and a head injury go really well.... least i can drink, and the uni bar is cheap :)
i miss being in a relationship. last year i was so close to doing the right thing (in my mind), but i had to go fuck it up -.- typical me. balls up the good things.
it hasnt been the best few weeks, i'll give it that...and productivity is at a low... but i foresee the dawn of a new chapter: a chapter in which i will stop fucking up, and stop allowing things to fuck me up. im going to man up and deal with any and all shit that comes my way, take chances on people and things and see where it goes. surely it's too early in my life to lament and regret isnt it? well, the early symptoms of such things show now and then and i glance at the person i've yet to become. basically, i dont like where its going because im too pussy to do anything about anything. a good thing comes my way and i blow it by stupid actions....LDR's, uni, work... etc...
i need to stop ruining shit, cut things out of my life, cut people i dont want (and the people i want) out, and try and move on -inset pathetic sad face here-
but for now, i'll be content to wallow in self pity, write vague (unless you're apart of it, in which case it is blatantly obvious) details on here, and drink myself into a deep unshakable coma.
GOD, i need to get drunk -.-
hey, and if they come back into my life at a later date, i will be more than happy to admit i was a dick and try again, if they want.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
100th post
today i wanted to discuss regrets very quickly, and then we can all just go home...
now from the outset, i dont want to seem like some wanna be armchair psychologist who seems both unintelligent and noble-esque at the same time, however i probably will come across that way. i merely wish to portray my belief of the true meaning of regret and how people should not hold certain things to heart when it is not applicable....something like the common misconception of irony.
from my own personal patter, regret is a profound and deep understanding of what 'could have been', where you personally have changed your own future, negatively, through conscious acts. i, myself, have misunderstood this concept and have made myself feel like utter shit for it in the past, some things, i am only now coming to terms with. i also regret certain peoples actions in my past, but yet again, according to my definition, i cannot regret these due to it not being my 'fault'.
other things, i can regret though; the wrong words at the wrong time, saying 'i love you' when i dont....not saying 'i love you' when i do.... not giving enough time or spending enough energy on a cause greater than my own, and not daring to venture into the unknown and take a risk on something fantastic. i regret these because the scenarios i have entered have warranted profound conclusions, and from these i have established that i could have done so much more to aid my own course and those whom ive cared about.
right now, these sentences mean nothing, just a string of words, formulated and latticed into paragraphs by someone with an eternity to ponder silently his beliefs, and hone his wisdom for whoever wants to hear it in the next generation. these musings are a manifestation of guilt at myself for not plunging into what could have been, instead opting to bow out and let the tide of time wash over, in the hopes of forgetting it ever happened in the first place. this is thick of me in the least. and the worst thing: i keep the specifics in my mind, to myself, because the metaphysical pain of bottling it away is less than the inevitable rejection at the source, regardless of the fact she'll never read it.
now from the outset, i dont want to seem like some wanna be armchair psychologist who seems both unintelligent and noble-esque at the same time, however i probably will come across that way. i merely wish to portray my belief of the true meaning of regret and how people should not hold certain things to heart when it is not applicable....something like the common misconception of irony.
from my own personal patter, regret is a profound and deep understanding of what 'could have been', where you personally have changed your own future, negatively, through conscious acts. i, myself, have misunderstood this concept and have made myself feel like utter shit for it in the past, some things, i am only now coming to terms with. i also regret certain peoples actions in my past, but yet again, according to my definition, i cannot regret these due to it not being my 'fault'.
other things, i can regret though; the wrong words at the wrong time, saying 'i love you' when i dont....not saying 'i love you' when i do.... not giving enough time or spending enough energy on a cause greater than my own, and not daring to venture into the unknown and take a risk on something fantastic. i regret these because the scenarios i have entered have warranted profound conclusions, and from these i have established that i could have done so much more to aid my own course and those whom ive cared about.
right now, these sentences mean nothing, just a string of words, formulated and latticed into paragraphs by someone with an eternity to ponder silently his beliefs, and hone his wisdom for whoever wants to hear it in the next generation. these musings are a manifestation of guilt at myself for not plunging into what could have been, instead opting to bow out and let the tide of time wash over, in the hopes of forgetting it ever happened in the first place. this is thick of me in the least. and the worst thing: i keep the specifics in my mind, to myself, because the metaphysical pain of bottling it away is less than the inevitable rejection at the source, regardless of the fact she'll never read it.
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