all i needed was fight

if she reads this then good. ive just said what i needed to say to make you see how much im hurting inside.

to all those who dont know, im in love with beth ralph. for a few weeks now, ive been trying to adapt to the fact she has a very close male friend.... as you can tell this was not good for me. after i saw texts from these two i pointed out that this was not what i could deal with and i actually accused her of cheating on me with said friend. apparently i was wrong and i accept this..

later that week she did cheat on me with two different guys. i also accepted that this was more than i should have to deal with. i didnt walk away however because i do love her more than i could ever express in words. i brushed it asside.

however, the one thing my mind cannot get my head around is the closeness of beth and her friend. the reason: they have history and yet even though i am the boyfriend, she still flirts with him like they are going out with each other. i cant deal with it. if it's me being immature then fine, i am so so sorry and i cant tell you how much you dont deserve me.... but if it's not just me, then surly we should both have to adapt....

i'll stop yo-yo ing

hello to one and all.

i realise that recently ive been switching between a possitive blog and a negative blog almost alternately... well this ends. i will try to write in the best frame of mind possible at the time.

so in light of this, i'm absoluty chuffed that msn has got its act together and let my update my name :)
im kinda miffed that cadets was crap tonight, but on the upside, i get to go skiing next thursday so good good.
and finally, im catching up in IT which has been a bitch to me for WEEKS now... all starting to go right.

please, nothing ruin my friday, saturday or sunday? x
lew

wow.... :(

today has been my 'epic fail day'. im pretty sure we all have them, but mine seemed to be particularly epic....

i failed my driving test thanks to nerves which would have been subsided prior to my test if it hadnt have been for my instructor turning up 3 minutes AFTER the examiner had called my name....safe to say i didnt have the hours recommended lesson before commencing the test, and i subsiquently shat about 5 bricks as i started the engine finally... next time, my instructor is paying for my test.

also ive said something in the wrong way to someone i care about dearly, and i think ive hurt them somewhat... so if you somehow read this, i am so sorry, it didnt mean it to come out like that and i trust you completly and utterly.

now im feeling like a douche who should announce things AFTER i think about what to say, and im gutted. very very gutted, and very....unhappy

love it when a plan comes together

plain and simple one today...more of a diary extract than a blog...

ive had an absolutly fantastic afternoon/evening with beth (hope she liked it too... (please god lmao))
an evening to remember xx

from dispare to where

hello everybody, how's life

seems that as one good thing happens, something (quite inkeeping with Newton here) opposite and just as bad takes effect.

well that sucks. and ive realised today that i need to grow up and speak whats truly on my mind, come hell with the consiquences. holding back everything doesnt seem to bode well with me. this, however, doesnt imply that i'll be arguing more, in fact this should lead to the opposite.

im starting to think that people around me are making mistakes, or have made mistakes, and i'm just there as fallout of said action. i can saftly say that i only regret one thing in my entire life... i dont know how many people around me can say the same.

i dont want to get in the way or be there just because im stray and will do for now...in all contexts and situations i find myself in