ok, yesterday i started this by having my last cigarette.... and then 4 hours after i woke up today i was stressed and annoyed and had 2. FAIL :@
i was angry at myself, but i was determined to actually try this time after so many times of saying 'this is my last one'. i was also scared that i would be desperate for a cigarette in work tonight since my habit started there almost 18 months ago. i've grown to associate driving with smoking and working for a delivery company, you can guess it's not a good combination....
HOWEVER, i got to work and although i felt the need, i decided to go to tesco and buy some niquitin patches so that i can get the ball rolling on not smoking. honestly, i was more scared of buying them than buying fags, but i asked, and in the same kind of voice that a nervous 15 year old has when trying to buy alcohol.... i croaked, i was embarrassed, but i got them and after a semi patronising/semi encouraging 'good for you, giving up!' from the cashier, i ran to my car to see if they'd work.
i ripped open the box in anticipation and read the leaflet to see what to do (im a noob, yes) and i stuck one on my left arm, wondering how long it would take before i got my fix. within about 10 minutes of putting it on, i started to feel an insane itch coming from the area, and i looked at the patch: my arm was blood red and it looked like i was having a reaction. however, i kept it on and gritted my teeth, praying it was nothing more than the patch taking effect.
thankfully, after about half an hour, i started to feel it working, and i felt relaxed and content, and with my arm returning to normal i felt really positive about this step ive taken. it's a 24 hour patch and i'm still wearing it as im writing this, and its still working...which is good since thats what it's supposed to do....
i got back to work and after a few hours i was speaking to some colleagues who also smoke and i said, 'i genuinely do not want a cigarette'. they looked stunned. frankly, i was in bliss knowing that i've actually taken a positive step towards giving up. i never imagined that patches actually work, and although it sounds terrible, the fact i needed a 'fix' of nicotine, i think this is the best move ive made.
what this patch has taught me (i appreciate ive only been wearing it 7 hours), is that instead of needing to keep my hands busy, i am just addicted and its not the muscle memory thing that so many people have.... i genuinely do not want or need a cigarette and it seems it was just the nicotine contained therein that i needed (which makes sense since it's the addictive thing in the bastards). this also gives me confidence in my ability to quit since it seems like just an addiction rather than an addiction and a habit.
through writing this, ive noticed how terrible the ideas of smoking are. what i mean by that is not the physical act of inhaling a toxic smoke from a burning stick, but the mentality. and what i mean by that is terms such as 'fix'.... 'addicted'.... these two alone are things that should not be in a first person vocabulary in this context, but they are, and i find that horrific. i havnt hurt anyone except myself really, but even looking back now, im thinking 'what the fuck was i doing'.....
long may this mentality continue.
thanks for reading
see you tomorrow x
Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Sunday, 26 February 2012
now thats something new....
ironically, this isnt.... its about relationships
i think i've got to a stage where i want one again. it's been over a year now and although i've been close to it a few times, never really felt willing in myself to engage in one wholeheartedly. this has changed recently and im now thinking, 'hey, i could do this again'. i like this feeling. it's nice :) cosy and content within myself and up for coinciding with someone :)
now all i have to do is work out how to go back and amend certain relationships... i did tell someone about 7 months ago i wanted a relationship and i truly meant it, however i wasnt ready in myself.... if that opportunity ever came round again, i would grab it with both hands and never let her go.
but all's fair in love and war so onto the great unknown we march once more dear friends. we fight for honour, freedom and tea. we show mercy but ask for none, and we see the task through to the end.
i think i've got to a stage where i want one again. it's been over a year now and although i've been close to it a few times, never really felt willing in myself to engage in one wholeheartedly. this has changed recently and im now thinking, 'hey, i could do this again'. i like this feeling. it's nice :) cosy and content within myself and up for coinciding with someone :)
now all i have to do is work out how to go back and amend certain relationships... i did tell someone about 7 months ago i wanted a relationship and i truly meant it, however i wasnt ready in myself.... if that opportunity ever came round again, i would grab it with both hands and never let her go.
but all's fair in love and war so onto the great unknown we march once more dear friends. we fight for honour, freedom and tea. we show mercy but ask for none, and we see the task through to the end.
giving up: part 1- preamble
today i give up cigarettes. noone actually cares, but this is one way of motivating myself to do it (pretending people actually do). i may be vloging and keeping a daily diary of whats going on etc. i have no plan B. this is a full purge on death sticks. 40 days, starting on February 26 2012.
lets do this eh
lets do this eh
Saturday, 25 February 2012
40 days to break a habit
I've set myself a massive challenge. 40 days without something i need to see if i can survive without it. in fact, i'm going to do this with 2 things (although one has a head start on the other). also this is nothing to do with lent.... just something i thought about which kind of coincides with lent... but im already late for it, so screw it.
i'm giving up smoking as of when i finish my current pack of cigarettes. i have 4 left. this shall be it for 40 days. i estimate that these shall be gone on sunday, and therefore i shall start being irate and horrible on monday...or more so than usual.
also, ive already started giving up a major aspect of my life, and have been free of this since the 13th of this month. no points for guessing what. i have 28 days to go. if the theory is correct and it takes 40 days to give up a habit, then god willing it shall be gone forevermore. however, if it is bogus, then it will just prove that the hardest things to give up are usually the worst for you. meh, we shall see.
in other news, more Tibetans have died as a result of self emulation after protesting the chinese dictatorship of that region, the economy is still fucked, and i cant wait to start looking for houses for next year :D
this was your LW2T update, and i shall see you soon
ciao bella's XD
i'm giving up smoking as of when i finish my current pack of cigarettes. i have 4 left. this shall be it for 40 days. i estimate that these shall be gone on sunday, and therefore i shall start being irate and horrible on monday...or more so than usual.
also, ive already started giving up a major aspect of my life, and have been free of this since the 13th of this month. no points for guessing what. i have 28 days to go. if the theory is correct and it takes 40 days to give up a habit, then god willing it shall be gone forevermore. however, if it is bogus, then it will just prove that the hardest things to give up are usually the worst for you. meh, we shall see.
in other news, more Tibetans have died as a result of self emulation after protesting the chinese dictatorship of that region, the economy is still fucked, and i cant wait to start looking for houses for next year :D
this was your LW2T update, and i shall see you soon
ciao bella's XD
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
more pathetic drivle
i come on here to moan, be that in the context of a relationship, work, uni or life in general. today, life and relationships...
my car got written off on friday.... not my fault either. someone crashed into me. it sucks. no car and a head injury go really well.... least i can drink, and the uni bar is cheap :)
i miss being in a relationship. last year i was so close to doing the right thing (in my mind), but i had to go fuck it up -.- typical me. balls up the good things.
it hasnt been the best few weeks, i'll give it that...and productivity is at a low... but i foresee the dawn of a new chapter: a chapter in which i will stop fucking up, and stop allowing things to fuck me up. im going to man up and deal with any and all shit that comes my way, take chances on people and things and see where it goes. surely it's too early in my life to lament and regret isnt it? well, the early symptoms of such things show now and then and i glance at the person i've yet to become. basically, i dont like where its going because im too pussy to do anything about anything. a good thing comes my way and i blow it by stupid actions....LDR's, uni, work... etc...
i need to stop ruining shit, cut things out of my life, cut people i dont want (and the people i want) out, and try and move on -inset pathetic sad face here-
but for now, i'll be content to wallow in self pity, write vague (unless you're apart of it, in which case it is blatantly obvious) details on here, and drink myself into a deep unshakable coma.
GOD, i need to get drunk -.-
hey, and if they come back into my life at a later date, i will be more than happy to admit i was a dick and try again, if they want.
my car got written off on friday.... not my fault either. someone crashed into me. it sucks. no car and a head injury go really well.... least i can drink, and the uni bar is cheap :)
i miss being in a relationship. last year i was so close to doing the right thing (in my mind), but i had to go fuck it up -.- typical me. balls up the good things.
it hasnt been the best few weeks, i'll give it that...and productivity is at a low... but i foresee the dawn of a new chapter: a chapter in which i will stop fucking up, and stop allowing things to fuck me up. im going to man up and deal with any and all shit that comes my way, take chances on people and things and see where it goes. surely it's too early in my life to lament and regret isnt it? well, the early symptoms of such things show now and then and i glance at the person i've yet to become. basically, i dont like where its going because im too pussy to do anything about anything. a good thing comes my way and i blow it by stupid actions....LDR's, uni, work... etc...
i need to stop ruining shit, cut things out of my life, cut people i dont want (and the people i want) out, and try and move on -inset pathetic sad face here-
but for now, i'll be content to wallow in self pity, write vague (unless you're apart of it, in which case it is blatantly obvious) details on here, and drink myself into a deep unshakable coma.
GOD, i need to get drunk -.-
hey, and if they come back into my life at a later date, i will be more than happy to admit i was a dick and try again, if they want.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
100th post
today i wanted to discuss regrets very quickly, and then we can all just go home...
now from the outset, i dont want to seem like some wanna be armchair psychologist who seems both unintelligent and noble-esque at the same time, however i probably will come across that way. i merely wish to portray my belief of the true meaning of regret and how people should not hold certain things to heart when it is not applicable....something like the common misconception of irony.
from my own personal patter, regret is a profound and deep understanding of what 'could have been', where you personally have changed your own future, negatively, through conscious acts. i, myself, have misunderstood this concept and have made myself feel like utter shit for it in the past, some things, i am only now coming to terms with. i also regret certain peoples actions in my past, but yet again, according to my definition, i cannot regret these due to it not being my 'fault'.
other things, i can regret though; the wrong words at the wrong time, saying 'i love you' when i dont....not saying 'i love you' when i do.... not giving enough time or spending enough energy on a cause greater than my own, and not daring to venture into the unknown and take a risk on something fantastic. i regret these because the scenarios i have entered have warranted profound conclusions, and from these i have established that i could have done so much more to aid my own course and those whom ive cared about.
right now, these sentences mean nothing, just a string of words, formulated and latticed into paragraphs by someone with an eternity to ponder silently his beliefs, and hone his wisdom for whoever wants to hear it in the next generation. these musings are a manifestation of guilt at myself for not plunging into what could have been, instead opting to bow out and let the tide of time wash over, in the hopes of forgetting it ever happened in the first place. this is thick of me in the least. and the worst thing: i keep the specifics in my mind, to myself, because the metaphysical pain of bottling it away is less than the inevitable rejection at the source, regardless of the fact she'll never read it.
now from the outset, i dont want to seem like some wanna be armchair psychologist who seems both unintelligent and noble-esque at the same time, however i probably will come across that way. i merely wish to portray my belief of the true meaning of regret and how people should not hold certain things to heart when it is not applicable....something like the common misconception of irony.
from my own personal patter, regret is a profound and deep understanding of what 'could have been', where you personally have changed your own future, negatively, through conscious acts. i, myself, have misunderstood this concept and have made myself feel like utter shit for it in the past, some things, i am only now coming to terms with. i also regret certain peoples actions in my past, but yet again, according to my definition, i cannot regret these due to it not being my 'fault'.
other things, i can regret though; the wrong words at the wrong time, saying 'i love you' when i dont....not saying 'i love you' when i do.... not giving enough time or spending enough energy on a cause greater than my own, and not daring to venture into the unknown and take a risk on something fantastic. i regret these because the scenarios i have entered have warranted profound conclusions, and from these i have established that i could have done so much more to aid my own course and those whom ive cared about.
right now, these sentences mean nothing, just a string of words, formulated and latticed into paragraphs by someone with an eternity to ponder silently his beliefs, and hone his wisdom for whoever wants to hear it in the next generation. these musings are a manifestation of guilt at myself for not plunging into what could have been, instead opting to bow out and let the tide of time wash over, in the hopes of forgetting it ever happened in the first place. this is thick of me in the least. and the worst thing: i keep the specifics in my mind, to myself, because the metaphysical pain of bottling it away is less than the inevitable rejection at the source, regardless of the fact she'll never read it.
Thursday, 15 December 2011
sausages (feet)
soooooo yeah....
today i wanted to rant about predictability, specifically in a relationship. what i mean to ask is, is there ever a good time to be thoroughly predictable or is uncertainty just that little bit more fun?
what sparked this was a comment made, saying "i knew you were going to say that". this to me is very bad, partly because i thought my previous line was just a brush away comment and was nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, more just generic... and partly because i HOPE im less predictable than i apparently am...
the conversation was just background really- nothing exciting.
what makes me loath the idea of me being predictable is that if everyone thinks im predictable, i either earn myself a reputation for hurting people, being a dick, or being a good guy.... the last one i dislike because if i am subsequently a dick, i hurt people anyways.
people think 'hes changed' if you appear predictable to them, then act differently under different environmental situations that are unfamiliar to them. i dont want to hurt people or make them feel upset with my conduct at any time, but i am who i am...
and on the flip side, if people think im predictable and that they know me, aspects of my personality which usually hide away, surprise them: ALOT. many times i have had to apologise to people for being incredibly angry or whatever when they didnt expect it.
also, i dont like predictability because i dont like the idea of free will being lost
HOWEVER, i can fully appreciate the moral foundation of having a predictable relationship built on the right principles. i just despise the idea that even basic conversation need not take place almost.
so to uncertainty. i love uncertainty in a certain environment: healthy relationship with spontaneity. conversation should never run dry between people who love and care about each other, in my eyes, and if nothing needs to be said, dont say anything- dont just try and fill the gaps with crap 'just because you want to hear their voice' (romantic bollocks). if you dont have anything to say, just enjoy the silence. it brings you closer than words a lot of the time.
AND HERE IS THE PUNCHLINE
to me, the phrase, 'I love you', is far too overused between teenagers who don't truly understand what love is, and i think it spoils the connotations behind it. not only this, i think if you analyse the conversations where it is brought up a significant amount of times, it's found to be in predictable slumps of conversation. i firmly believe that that phrase should be left to unpredictability regardless of scenario. if you dont want to, dont say it. if you get told it, dont force yourself to say it back! i fall and have fallen into this trap far too many times, and i regret it in all honesty. i think relationships where this kind of predictability are found are pretty much doomed, which is why i also regret not getting together with people i think are essentially perfect.
fucking uni eh.
(how did this rant go from predictability to some deep personal regrets :s )
well if anyone gets to this point without skipping, let me know and i'll owe you a cookie (Y)
cheers m'dears
today i wanted to rant about predictability, specifically in a relationship. what i mean to ask is, is there ever a good time to be thoroughly predictable or is uncertainty just that little bit more fun?
what sparked this was a comment made, saying "i knew you were going to say that". this to me is very bad, partly because i thought my previous line was just a brush away comment and was nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, more just generic... and partly because i HOPE im less predictable than i apparently am...
the conversation was just background really- nothing exciting.
what makes me loath the idea of me being predictable is that if everyone thinks im predictable, i either earn myself a reputation for hurting people, being a dick, or being a good guy.... the last one i dislike because if i am subsequently a dick, i hurt people anyways.
people think 'hes changed' if you appear predictable to them, then act differently under different environmental situations that are unfamiliar to them. i dont want to hurt people or make them feel upset with my conduct at any time, but i am who i am...
and on the flip side, if people think im predictable and that they know me, aspects of my personality which usually hide away, surprise them: ALOT. many times i have had to apologise to people for being incredibly angry or whatever when they didnt expect it.
also, i dont like predictability because i dont like the idea of free will being lost
HOWEVER, i can fully appreciate the moral foundation of having a predictable relationship built on the right principles. i just despise the idea that even basic conversation need not take place almost.
so to uncertainty. i love uncertainty in a certain environment: healthy relationship with spontaneity. conversation should never run dry between people who love and care about each other, in my eyes, and if nothing needs to be said, dont say anything- dont just try and fill the gaps with crap 'just because you want to hear their voice' (romantic bollocks). if you dont have anything to say, just enjoy the silence. it brings you closer than words a lot of the time.
AND HERE IS THE PUNCHLINE
to me, the phrase, 'I love you', is far too overused between teenagers who don't truly understand what love is, and i think it spoils the connotations behind it. not only this, i think if you analyse the conversations where it is brought up a significant amount of times, it's found to be in predictable slumps of conversation. i firmly believe that that phrase should be left to unpredictability regardless of scenario. if you dont want to, dont say it. if you get told it, dont force yourself to say it back! i fall and have fallen into this trap far too many times, and i regret it in all honesty. i think relationships where this kind of predictability are found are pretty much doomed, which is why i also regret not getting together with people i think are essentially perfect.
fucking uni eh.
(how did this rant go from predictability to some deep personal regrets :s )
well if anyone gets to this point without skipping, let me know and i'll owe you a cookie (Y)
cheers m'dears
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
awkward
Right, dear internets, im coming to the quick conclusion i need an outlet away from mainstream view...so this is going to be the place i come to bitch moan and whine about everything while my Vlog will remain positive or at least fun. youtube.com/lewiswenttotown
just had the shortest phone call in about a month with someone i was hoping not to have to speak to for a while. whoops i fucked up Aaaaaaagain and i texted her back (fucking common courtesy).
anyways, someone interrupted the convo naked but with a pillow, and she wasnt exactly fucking discreet about it. this was the same guy who fucked up my life. yay :D super happy fun times.
this has made me extra happy and really fucking down.....anyone for a beer? just me? fe...
so anyway, if you wanna see me happy and cheery, please go to my youtube and subscribe :) only a very small 'fan' base right now, so if people can subscribe, i'll do more of the video thingy where i talk to my peoples.
much love and hope to see you soon on there, or next time on here when i need to rant or clear my mind :)
ciao bellas
just had the shortest phone call in about a month with someone i was hoping not to have to speak to for a while. whoops i fucked up Aaaaaaagain and i texted her back (fucking common courtesy).
anyways, someone interrupted the convo naked but with a pillow, and she wasnt exactly fucking discreet about it. this was the same guy who fucked up my life. yay :D super happy fun times.
this has made me extra happy and really fucking down.....anyone for a beer? just me? fe...
so anyway, if you wanna see me happy and cheery, please go to my youtube and subscribe :) only a very small 'fan' base right now, so if people can subscribe, i'll do more of the video thingy where i talk to my peoples.
much love and hope to see you soon on there, or next time on here when i need to rant or clear my mind :)
ciao bellas
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
uncontrollable
No more, the master of myself, i have become engulfed by something dark and sinister and playful; this energy inside which wills me to spite and hurt, though i mourn for a better time. Enraged by what depravity lies within those who love, who rip out my heart and make me feel hollow and empty and sick.
Im scared of myself, what lies beneath me, for my anger and hatred build. Only through words can i be brought down, and only through music can i resurrect myself from hell.
The sorrow laid strewn across my brow reminds me that bitterness and sulphur are all i know, the foul stench lifting me higher to a state of passionate vile. The Gaul that hides is building with every word you speak, and softly and slowly it seeps out into the ether to fill the void between loves, and hurts all who hear it.
This is my winter of discontent. An everlasting wasteland of forgotten emotions with no means of renewal. No remorse. No sanctuary can be found here. Merely the hope that it may end.
But the rational is entombed by irrationality, and soon, aggressively and ferociously i will end all of my suffering with swift justice in my mind. The last sound you may hear may be the last sound i make, for if the deed is done, relief will take my life.
I turn around. You are gone from view. I still hear you but it dims and i soon return to the shell i was. The beasts are tame again, and i am soaked in sorrow for the thoughts.
Few will ever know true horror: to look ones self in the mirror and see nothing but a violent criminal in waiting... i consider myself one of the lucky few to have been presented that opportunity by your hand.
Im scared of myself, what lies beneath me, for my anger and hatred build. Only through words can i be brought down, and only through music can i resurrect myself from hell.
The sorrow laid strewn across my brow reminds me that bitterness and sulphur are all i know, the foul stench lifting me higher to a state of passionate vile. The Gaul that hides is building with every word you speak, and softly and slowly it seeps out into the ether to fill the void between loves, and hurts all who hear it.
This is my winter of discontent. An everlasting wasteland of forgotten emotions with no means of renewal. No remorse. No sanctuary can be found here. Merely the hope that it may end.
But the rational is entombed by irrationality, and soon, aggressively and ferociously i will end all of my suffering with swift justice in my mind. The last sound you may hear may be the last sound i make, for if the deed is done, relief will take my life.
I turn around. You are gone from view. I still hear you but it dims and i soon return to the shell i was. The beasts are tame again, and i am soaked in sorrow for the thoughts.
Few will ever know true horror: to look ones self in the mirror and see nothing but a violent criminal in waiting... i consider myself one of the lucky few to have been presented that opportunity by your hand.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
a sincere apology
For what it's worth, I don't hate anyone or even particularly dislike anyone with any kind of passion...but recently a combination of stress, anxiety and anger has fueled some kind of rage which has become concentrated towards some people under certain conditions. For this, I truly am sorry. It is never worth it to lash out at people regardless of circumstance and it is never good to dismiss someone just because they say what they want, but that seems to be what I'm doing if the right buttons are pushed. Tonight, the job of button pushing was made easier by a 'family member', and in anticipation of causing offence or retaliated aggression, I apologise in advance. Once things in my life get ironed out I will be Lewis again.
Shouldn't be too long...and these changes will make a better Lewis in the long run.
Shouldn't be too long...and these changes will make a better Lewis in the long run.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Monday, 30 May 2011
now I'm bored
Ok, so by me doing this, you could probably tell I'm desperately bored. I've filled in an application form for a microlight scholarship and sent it off...and now watching live at the Apollo, whilst waiting for texts back...they won't come, I know, but I can dream.
Someone distract me?
Someone distract me?
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
oh you little bugger....
right, first thing's first... 15 minutes in work is not enough to sustain bills being paid and all the other crap i need to pay for... so with this, im starting a new job search :D
career or part time?
for some reason, guys, i am absolutely shattered. physically cant keep my bloody eyes open...which begs the question, "what in GODS NAME am i doing STILL AWAKE!!!!"
BLOGGING is going to become a regular part of my life from now on. i have my life almost totally planned out and i fully intend to TRY to follow it. this should be interesting guys... watch this space lol.
i also think that school is picking up for me now. organisation has become key in my life, and im loving it.
thats your lot from me today, so im going to sleep.
ciao
career or part time?
for some reason, guys, i am absolutely shattered. physically cant keep my bloody eyes open...which begs the question, "what in GODS NAME am i doing STILL AWAKE!!!!"
BLOGGING is going to become a regular part of my life from now on. i have my life almost totally planned out and i fully intend to TRY to follow it. this should be interesting guys... watch this space lol.
i also think that school is picking up for me now. organisation has become key in my life, and im loving it.
thats your lot from me today, so im going to sleep.
ciao
Thursday, 6 January 2011
how the hell is Bebo still up and running???
hello esteemed guests of mine, another edition of my life in words coming straight to you from the back of my trousers.
i'd like to start off, if i may (although it's my blog so fuck you anyway...), with some good news for me: it's my one year anniversary with Beth! adore her lots.
and now i'd like to move on..... because i can.... to my title/questiony thingy..
HOW ON GOD'S EARTH DOES BEBO STILL EXIST!!!!
Bebo is dead for 99% of the internet using population, HOWEVER, the 1% are making up for this shortcoming.
Bebo of course was one of the first major social websites dedicated to every aspect of someones life...and it's great while you're 11/12/13 or so... but after the next logical step was a Myspace.... which again was pretty much the same genre of activity. Myspace is dead. why isnt Bebo?!
all this was sparked by an invitation to a group called 'scottish babes 2k11', which is similar to every other invite i've received in the last few years.... which leads me to believe that the only people who use bebo are either paedophiles looking for fresh meat, or scottish noobs who've just logged on for the first time.
either way, something must be done to educate these poor bastards who have nothing better to do than create a self esteem raising fan page which inevitably fails when they realise they're the only user and no-one has accepted them, thus leaving them vulnerable, lonely and susceptible to paedophiles, looking for fun by raising said noob's self esteem...
this is why i believe bebo should be LOGGED OFF! perverts and 11 year olds use it. NEITHER should use it.
if anyone can counter this argument, i will be more than happy to oblige in hand to hand combat to the death.
IN OTHER NEWS
i have come to the staggering conclusion that i am not the only one with bad drinking habbits, so FUCK YOU to those who bitch about me and have a go at me. sort yourself out first.
also, designated driver is essentially lower than whale shit, on a night out....and you feel like it too, especially when other people have incredibly bad social drinking styles and attitudes.
next time, i'm getting WASTED!
any-whoo...
time for me to go now, as a village in Cambodia needs someone to laugh at them.
night all!!
i'd like to start off, if i may (although it's my blog so fuck you anyway...), with some good news for me: it's my one year anniversary with Beth! adore her lots.
and now i'd like to move on..... because i can.... to my title/questiony thingy..
HOW ON GOD'S EARTH DOES BEBO STILL EXIST!!!!
Bebo is dead for 99% of the internet using population, HOWEVER, the 1% are making up for this shortcoming.
Bebo of course was one of the first major social websites dedicated to every aspect of someones life...and it's great while you're 11/12/13 or so... but after the next logical step was a Myspace.... which again was pretty much the same genre of activity. Myspace is dead. why isnt Bebo?!
all this was sparked by an invitation to a group called 'scottish babes 2k11', which is similar to every other invite i've received in the last few years.... which leads me to believe that the only people who use bebo are either paedophiles looking for fresh meat, or scottish noobs who've just logged on for the first time.
either way, something must be done to educate these poor bastards who have nothing better to do than create a self esteem raising fan page which inevitably fails when they realise they're the only user and no-one has accepted them, thus leaving them vulnerable, lonely and susceptible to paedophiles, looking for fun by raising said noob's self esteem...
this is why i believe bebo should be LOGGED OFF! perverts and 11 year olds use it. NEITHER should use it.
if anyone can counter this argument, i will be more than happy to oblige in hand to hand combat to the death.
IN OTHER NEWS
i have come to the staggering conclusion that i am not the only one with bad drinking habbits, so FUCK YOU to those who bitch about me and have a go at me. sort yourself out first.
also, designated driver is essentially lower than whale shit, on a night out....and you feel like it too, especially when other people have incredibly bad social drinking styles and attitudes.
next time, i'm getting WASTED!
any-whoo...
time for me to go now, as a village in Cambodia needs someone to laugh at them.
night all!!
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
I need determination
Hello bitches and bitchettes
How are we all doing? It seems forever since we all got together like this, doesn't it... i miss those days, where we would just sit around telling stories and pretend we knew what the hell we were talking about.... -shifty-
in all seriousness i have failed blogger. i have become the thing i hate the most: a NON-blogger!!
i have tried time and time again to write substantial quantities of material to incorporate into my blog, but failed to actually log on and put it from paper to pixels. it's not that i dont love you any more, it's just i find it wholeheartedly depressing to turn my computer on and just sit here in my bed and tap drivel to you fine people. i know i talk utter bollocks 99% of the time, and you dont deserve this kind of punishment...no-one does.
so with this, im going to attempt to write a blog with some form of structure and basis of opinion. im sorry...
school is going well. ive never professed to being any sort of academic, and this is shown in the fact ive had to go back to repeat my chemistry a-level. i really want to do well in this. the problem i have right now is the motivation i had is diminishing due to the lack of motivation of some people around me. i need the support of some people and right now im not getting it. i need a kick up the arse and to be given conditions to work under. it works with little kids: "do your homework and then you can go out to play". the reason it works is because those little kids then have suitable reason to do what they need to do. without reason it just becomes another thing to do. i NEED reason. i NEED the high motivation. right now it's being taken from me, and im running out. so instead of feeding off of other people's so that i can give back in return, im left here wondering why i cant be arsed to do my coursework.
work is also going well, however free pizza is catching up with my fitness levels and i really need to construct a worthwhile training regime. im still healthy, but my fitness has died. this, i need to address.
also, i want a job with better pay. add to that, i want a social life again, and you have a pretty good idea of what im facing. i work minimum wage and i dont get to see my friends as much as i want. parties are a rarity and i cant really afford to go to them anyway because of one thing or another.
cadets is something i will address when i start back there on the 10th. i still hold the rank of sergeant, and i intend to use it properly over the next year. this will mean that i will be a hard sergeant from now on and because of this, the cadets will not like me, but because of this they will learn. they will not be given the option of sitting out of activities. they will participate in events and oppertunities. if they do not wish to do so, they can go home. the ATC does not want people who do not want the ATC. i will make them into cadets, one way or another.
my car is still being taken the absolute piss out of. however, i do not think i give a toss anymore. it still runs well. it still gets me to work and back. and it still gets me to exeter and back, even though it consumes about £35 worth of fuel every trip, which is depressing.
i do believe that part one of my entire life has been shown sufficiently enough for one day...
bye everybody.
How are we all doing? It seems forever since we all got together like this, doesn't it... i miss those days, where we would just sit around telling stories and pretend we knew what the hell we were talking about.... -shifty-
in all seriousness i have failed blogger. i have become the thing i hate the most: a NON-blogger!!
i have tried time and time again to write substantial quantities of material to incorporate into my blog, but failed to actually log on and put it from paper to pixels. it's not that i dont love you any more, it's just i find it wholeheartedly depressing to turn my computer on and just sit here in my bed and tap drivel to you fine people. i know i talk utter bollocks 99% of the time, and you dont deserve this kind of punishment...no-one does.
so with this, im going to attempt to write a blog with some form of structure and basis of opinion. im sorry...
school is going well. ive never professed to being any sort of academic, and this is shown in the fact ive had to go back to repeat my chemistry a-level. i really want to do well in this. the problem i have right now is the motivation i had is diminishing due to the lack of motivation of some people around me. i need the support of some people and right now im not getting it. i need a kick up the arse and to be given conditions to work under. it works with little kids: "do your homework and then you can go out to play". the reason it works is because those little kids then have suitable reason to do what they need to do. without reason it just becomes another thing to do. i NEED reason. i NEED the high motivation. right now it's being taken from me, and im running out. so instead of feeding off of other people's so that i can give back in return, im left here wondering why i cant be arsed to do my coursework.
work is also going well, however free pizza is catching up with my fitness levels and i really need to construct a worthwhile training regime. im still healthy, but my fitness has died. this, i need to address.
also, i want a job with better pay. add to that, i want a social life again, and you have a pretty good idea of what im facing. i work minimum wage and i dont get to see my friends as much as i want. parties are a rarity and i cant really afford to go to them anyway because of one thing or another.
cadets is something i will address when i start back there on the 10th. i still hold the rank of sergeant, and i intend to use it properly over the next year. this will mean that i will be a hard sergeant from now on and because of this, the cadets will not like me, but because of this they will learn. they will not be given the option of sitting out of activities. they will participate in events and oppertunities. if they do not wish to do so, they can go home. the ATC does not want people who do not want the ATC. i will make them into cadets, one way or another.
my car is still being taken the absolute piss out of. however, i do not think i give a toss anymore. it still runs well. it still gets me to work and back. and it still gets me to exeter and back, even though it consumes about £35 worth of fuel every trip, which is depressing.
i do believe that part one of my entire life has been shown sufficiently enough for one day...
bye everybody.
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
IM INTERNATIONAL!!!!
just a quick little note to say that thanks to the new 'STATS' bar, i can see that i've had views from not only the UK, but the USA, Denmark, and Vietnam!!
i just have one question to anyone who views this who doesnt know me.... how did you find my blog :P
dont get me wrong, im not complaining.. im an attention seeker at the best of times.. but i find it fascinating that from half the world away, all be it through potential accident, people have found me.
like i said, this was supposed to be a quick blog so i shall end here ish...
one last thing before i go though: would anyone care if i did a Vlog? i was toying with the idea before but never got around to it.
one last thing before i go though: would anyone care if i did a Vlog? i was toying with the idea before but never got around to it.
also, ANYONE can now comment on this blog. its no longer restricted to member commenting only.
CIAO
back in the saddle?
achem... lets see if i remember how to do this thing
hello boys and girls, welcome back to the rantings of 'that guy' who doesn't do much with his time. yes, this is the blog that maintains that if sarcasm is indeed the lowest form of wit, then here we scrape the dregs from the bottom of each and every barrel. hell, it's a job
so what have we, by which i mean me, done in the last 6 months...
in a nutshell, not a great lot.
I've finished school with an impressively poor set of A-level results; started to sort my cadet career out and now i like to think that i'm in serious contention for promotion (against myself); i got a job working in dominos pizza as a delivery boy (god, this is where i wanna be...); and i have been driving down to exeter now and then.
oh yes, and today, due to a long and boring explination about how the government are currently fucking over each of her majesty's forces, i have tried to go back to st cenydd to redo my chemistry A-level to go from a pitiful grade to a respectable one.
so that is my life: 4 areas of concentration; cadets, work, school, exeter. i've condensed what i had by so much it scares me.
money... a thing i didnt have before, is also becoming something fun to own for however brief a time i may possess it. hours in work, to gain access to this fountain of fun, is however, a bitch to sort out, with me swapping my hours and days more times than i change my underwear...(think about that for a second and ask yourself, 'can we still be friends?')
friends... with everyone going in their separate directions for university and other fascinating voyages of discovery, i do feel as if i've been left somewhat behind. this isnt such a bad thing however because after those clever dickies invented the interweb 5000, i can keep up with people and still maintain a pretty good social life :) i've driven to swansea to meet up with gwyn and sarah once and i've made friends in exeter too :) this makes me feel as if life hasnt run away from me and there is hope of keeping my dear friends, dear.
im happy to say that there are no significant problems in my life right now apart from some family being a bit under the weather, and certain very good mates of mine being in some not very good places right now. otherwise i cant be sad. my life, in perspective with some around me, isnt as bad as i moan about. i feel incredibly lucky, if betrayed sometimes by people...but even then it could be worse... im welsh, not english for example.
this is where i want to pretty much want to wrap it up... im sorry to those who i've not been a great friend to, im grateful to those who've kept me as a great friend, and i love you all. in a gay way.
ciao dudes
Monday, 17 May 2010
the tipping point
ok, it's official...i'm no longer scared to enter the big bad world of work.... i just want to leave this fucking place....
this morning has been the straw that broke that proverbial 4 legged, desert dwelling, creature's back. my ICT coursework. on memory stick. got run over and broken. by all means lol.... god knows i did
needless to say it's a years worth of work down the tube... and yes i did back it up but another series of failures has led me to believe that god truly does shit on me.
so this has culminated in my mood being fragile, and i do appologise in advance if i have a go at anyone or say anything particularly horrible.
anyways, in slightly happier news, for me... my first exam is like a month away :)
-here enter the stress-
this morning has been the straw that broke that proverbial 4 legged, desert dwelling, creature's back. my ICT coursework. on memory stick. got run over and broken. by all means lol.... god knows i did
needless to say it's a years worth of work down the tube... and yes i did back it up but another series of failures has led me to believe that god truly does shit on me.
so this has culminated in my mood being fragile, and i do appologise in advance if i have a go at anyone or say anything particularly horrible.
anyways, in slightly happier news, for me... my first exam is like a month away :)
-here enter the stress-
Sunday, 25 April 2010
it started off fine....
....and in the end, i had to draw 3 separate diagrams, play with some matches, and send a complaints dvd to nasa, just to prove that you cant play jenga like that....
hello again my fellow homosapiens
its cloudy -.- i dont like it.
i havnt really got anything to discuss today, or even elaborate upon...maybe i should try harder to get a job.....
anyhoo, ive just decided to ask a simple question:
Formspring:
can someone explain to me why someone thought it would be a good idea to have an annonomus (excuse any spelling catastrophies) questions site that would enevitably end up filled with slander and bitching and general misery for half the users?
how much abuse gets put on there every day?
and finally, why do we keep the accounts, even though we receive these intollerable questions?
ciao bambinos
hello again my fellow homosapiens
its cloudy -.- i dont like it.
i havnt really got anything to discuss today, or even elaborate upon...maybe i should try harder to get a job.....
anyhoo, ive just decided to ask a simple question:
Formspring:
can someone explain to me why someone thought it would be a good idea to have an annonomus (excuse any spelling catastrophies) questions site that would enevitably end up filled with slander and bitching and general misery for half the users?
how much abuse gets put on there every day?
and finally, why do we keep the accounts, even though we receive these intollerable questions?
ciao bambinos
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